This site is for the Mark & Naomi Iliff family. For Mark’s work persona go to Talespinner

Editor access iliff.co.uk

phrasebook

Like most families, we’ve accumulated an odd collection of words and sayings. For the fun of it, we’ve started writing them down.

“Family” includes Arthurs, Baineses, Bouwers, Burns, Claydons, Collards, Dixons, Ellis-Kings, Evelyns, Gallaghers, Gordons, Harrisons, Harrison-Bouwers, Healiffs, Healys, Hugheses, Iliffs, Janeses, Kings, King-Sheards, Macarthurs, Mazes, Quintons, Taggarts, Tomatoes, Westerhofs… and anyone else who can stand the shame.

Number of entries so far: 245.

latest additions

Higwi Kombi n: High Wycombe 20 Apr >

crank tea n: Herbal infusion 20 Apr >

wut‽ exc: Like what‽, but whattier 16 Apr >

have speaks v: Discuss 16 Apr >

that man did smack me with a needle! exc: Toddler Mark’s blubbing reaction to an inoculation which he had not expected 16 Apr >

14155 n: Iliff 16 Apr >

PAC n: 1) Pissing awful coffee. 2) Pa’s awful coffee …depending on the audience 13 Apr >

jam sandwich n: Police car 13 Apr >

blop n: Like blob, but ploppier 13 Apr >

salad pie n: Quiche 13 Apr >

explorer

Explore The explorer lets you:

all entries

1-2-3 wash yourself, ducky!

14155

81

a crow, letting

a peach of a boat

a touch of the don’t-want-to-goes

abratadabra

ah-ahs

all of a sudden a big black pudding came floating through the air

American seat

Aunty Mark

bagaloons

basking hickory stick

bat tsch-tsch

bathroom thought

be told!

Beezlebub

big clock

bim

BKJ

blick auf

blind mullet

blop

bobaligoo

body coddler

bog

bogpaper music

bong

boom and scrunch

bouncealine

breathe in, it’s good for you

brunty

bug rake

bum of the flightle bee

bumbag aloo

bumhug

bumpity bolliko

bumpity-bolliko

case case case

cash’n’flash

castrated coffee

charge like a wounded bull

chutney

clootie

combine hoover

contrived delights of LA

cooking fat!

Cornish nasty

couldn’t organise a black pudding

cover it over quick, Jemima!

crank tea

cronky donkey

daddy socks

de petits pois

Déjà Vu

der dee twiddly, dee twiddly, dee botty-cracks

dere ’tis!

disgusterous

do it self!

don fly!

dudu

dumsey-whumnuts

elderflosh

elephant paper

elsh

encambula

envelote

epoophany

extinguished

fart young smeller

fiat lux, a remark attributed to God

Fiddlywaxeye

fire eng truck

flappy plate

flatusphere

flopsam & jepsam

flosh

flutterby

fok strongbody

forgetty bowl of naise

forn prongs

fox’s puss

fustercluck

garnsed up

gee what great looking kids – are they adopted?

get off and milk it!

get off home with you!

good girl, Daddy

grabled exnaplation

graunty / gruncle

gubby

have speaks

Higwi Kombi

hoggry tiglets!

hogwashing hat

holly bush

home again, home again, jiggedy jog

honker

hopsital

horses’s douvers

hot will grow cold, if greedy will wait

how awdinawy!

how’s your belly off for spots?

humididity

hyper-bowl

hypodemic nerdle

I don’t boil my cabbages twice

I takin’ my sack and my boots

I wanna beetroot

I want to watch me daddy pee

if you get there first, draw a chalk line; if I get there first, I’ll rub it out

if you’re up that way with your teeth

Iliff Point

Iliff Wight

it’s only me Naymee!

it’s worse than the ticktolleroo

I’ll have the other half now

I’ve got my big eating hat on!

jam sandwich

knock it on the head

ky-oo Daddy!

lah-pom

let my son have the ball!

lie like a flatfish

listen to the silence!

little teapots have big spouts

loggy sticks

longhetti

lumps

lumpy ming fruit

makes your eyebrows sweat

mismanglement

move your lips!

Muggerborski

murano

niggs

nipple cake

no fun allowed

no use to man or dog

no, it’s just the way I’m breathing

Notlob

noxious weed

NQOTD

oatygoats

obstacular

oh bother!

old bagaloon

ontray!

oomagoolie

op

osh

PAC

pang!

park-anywheres

paucey

peelywally

peelywally baggie

PhD point

pingams

pinghole

playback

poffle

pointèd stick

pornograph

potato sock

poverty model

priestage

puffin break

pugsaw jizzle

pump

pune or play on words

purple-headeds

p’daahlo

rabbit of negative euphoria

respectawiggle

saganaki!

said Aunt Helga

salad pie

sausinge

senseless man

shabby and miscellaneous

shivery bite

short arms, deep pockets

shot a bunny

shut up and give your arse a chance

sickly cake

slap it in the middle and we’ll all get a bit

slimy ming fruit

smells like coffee, looks like cocoa

Snablats

snortelly snips

so you do that

sof

sooky

soya sturvya

spacemen drop-off

splash me boots!

squeamful

stabbing

Stirling Moss, chica/chico!

stumps (or call stumps)

tassel

thalassa! thalassa!

thank you Mrs Lowsborough Goosborough

that man did smack me with a needle!

then on Friday… no, tell a lie, it was the Saturday

there’s a ghost, there’s a ghost, throw a flannel at it’s face!

there’s no show without Punch

they are curlews of the fenland!

three ha’p’orth of gawd help us

thunderwobbler

tibbit!

tight as a crab’s arse under water

time to put clothes on

toasty bombola

tolerably early night

trypo

undercrunk

vacs up nice

vauum

vladivostok

wadundudundu

wash horses

wee board

wellcome home

whackers

what a fall of royalty!

what mind is here o’erthrown

where we have been, no-one can tell

white seals

whocares

who’s going round the roundabout?

who’s “she” – the cat’s mother?

wisp

wi’ oor knickers hangin’ doon

wobulence

WOMBAT

wut‽

yam all right our kid?

yellow is mellow, but if it’s brown flush it down

you daft ha’p’orth!

you must give me the recipe

your tiny hand is frozen!

zizzer-zoof seeds

zlotniks

inclusion criteria

Nothing particularly strict, really. Just looking for words and phrases that are used more than never by Mark & Naomi and their relatives (personal insults and bad swears aside, of course: if you’re looking for terms like Fingers Forder or motherforker you won’t find them here, oh deary me no).

Terms in general usage don’t really belong, unless used with a particular twist. Regional expressions, on the other hand, are great – the weirder the better.

how to contribute

If you have one or two submissions, send them to Mark. If you have lots, let him know and he’ll set you up with an editor account.

If you are able to improve an existing entry, let Mark know.

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