This site is for the Mark & Naomi Iliff family. For Mark’s work persona go to Talespinner
There once was a man from Barnt Green
Who suffered a wandering spleen
It departed his tum
And fell out his bum
And that is the last it was seen
—Naomi Birmingham 2023
There was an old man of Ardconey
Whose favourite food was baloney
One whiff of his breath
Caused instant death
He had a long life but lonely
—Naomi Ireland 2022
There was a young man of Unst
Who in truth was a bit of a dunce’t
Asked to add 2 plus 2
He hadn’t a clue
He got 27 at least once’t
—Naomi & Mark Unst, Shetland 2019
There’s a village in Orkney called Twat
They keep it secret, that’s flat
No sign to pose
Reflectively picking your nose
And, my dear, what is the point of that?
—Naomi Twat, Orkney 2019
There once was a man of Aberystwyth
Limerick structure would not put up with
It would have been worse
In blank verse
Thank goodness this isn’t a haiku
—Naomi Aberystwyth, Wales 2016
There once was a fellow from Leith
Whose mouth contained only six teeth
He gave a great shout
And they all fell right out
So he rushed off to tell the polithe
—Mark Edinburgh, Scotland 2016
A strapping young Greek called Pericles
Unfortunately injured his testicles
He rubbed them in balm
To undo the harm
‘Cos he didn’t believe in miracles
—Mark 2013
There once was a man of Timbaki
Whose undies were white, blue and khaki
“The thing is,” he said
“When I get into bed
They disappear right up my crahki”
—Naomi & Mark Crete, Greece 2013
There was a young man of Corfu
Who desperately needed a poo
He forgot all the rules
About paper and stools
And ended up blocking the loo
—Mark Corfu, Greece 2012
Armeni’s a fine Cretan town
With an atmosphere all of its own
Then Bob came along
And wrote them this song:
“Armeni roads must a man walk down…”
—Mark Crete, Greece 2010
There once was a woman from Bali¹
With oodles of arms, just like Kali
She could pleasure herself
While dusting a shelf
And riding to work on her Harley
¹in case it makes a difference, that’s Bali (Μπαλι), Crete
—Mark & Naomi Crete, Greece 2010
There once was a man of Glasgoo
Who was feeling quite chilly just noo
He felt so parky
He left for Timbaki
And his wife went to Timbaki too
—Naomi & Mark Crete, Greece 2009